10 to 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage..
I never thought I’d be one of the 10-20 %.
If you have had a miscarriage, I’m sure you never thought you would be either.
It’s a weird deal… and honestly, writing this post is a struggle because I know that this topic is a super sensitive one to write about or share about. It’s one that most of us would like to leave hidden because the pain is rare, raw and all too real to dig up and talk about with others.
But here I am… sharing… pouring my heart out because if just one sentence from this post can reach through and touch the heart of a fellow momma who has lost a sweet bundle of joy, then it will be worth it. There is healing in sharing and in the me too moments. Our pain is a bridge to others and so here I am sweet friend… building a bridge to you.
I found out I was pregnant on October 31st. Four days later I would be led to believe that I was miscarrying. What I thought was over ended up lasting for two months of unknowns. Through doctor’s appointments, weekly blood checks, and several ultrasounds, we discovered that I would have what they call a “non-viable pregnancy.”
The baby never developed like it was supposed to and I was faced with the fact that I would be miscarrying very soon. Today marks the end of the pregnancy as we walked through the final steps of the miscarriage.
This whole process has been a lot but through it I have learned so much.. Some of those things I want to share with you.
Surrender Brings Peace
As a momma, it is SO hard to give up control. Through this process, I’ve learned that surrender is truly the gateway to peace. When we give our hurt, our anger, and our pain over to the Living God, he can replace it with peace that surpasses all understanding.
“The Peace Of God, Which Surpasses All Understanding, Will Guard Your Hearts And Minds Through Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:7
Having peace through a miscarriage is not normal but through God it is possible.
Prayer Changes Things
Now hear me out, I prayed big audacious prayers that God would heal this pregnancy and that this baby would live to tell all that the Lord had done. I prayed in alignment with scripture and spoke those prayers out loud, even as the doctors and nurses were telling me that the pregnancy was not viable.
And no, prayer did not change the outcome, but it did change my heart. Prayer made it possible for me to find peace and comfort. God carried my in such a beautiful way because I invited him into the broken places in my heart and although I didn’t get the outcome that I was praying for, prayer changed my broken heart and led the way to healing. Pray is ALWAYS a good idea.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Deal with Your Pain
Grieving is such a necessary part of healing, but the truth is nobody really wants to dig into the hurt and pain enough to truly heal. Listen fellow momma, give yourself permission to grieve. How you grieve is up to you. Maybe you need to talk it out with God, others, or just journal your feelings. Whatever you need to do, do it. Cry in the shower, take a day off of work, go for a walk, eat the ice cream, and the cookie dough. You don’t have to have it all together. In fact, I think there is so much freedom in walking out your pain in community with others that know that you don’t have it all together.Prayer did not change the outcome, but it did change my heart… Click To Tweet
Find 2-3 friends that you can walk through this with. More importantly find 2-3 friends that will pray for you daily, encourage you and uplift you.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15
I’m so thankful for my tribe of sisters that mourned with me and prayed with me and walked through this trial with me. They carried me through this when I couldn’t carry myself.
God is Good… All the Time
In church we used to say this phrase “God is good, all the time, and ALL the time, God is good.” I just thought it was a catchy little phrase we said for fun, but the reality is, God Is good… all the time.
He is good in the good times and he’s good in the hard times. He can be trusted with all of you. Listen, God has a plan for that baby. In my case, God’s plan was to use this to bring me so much closer to Him. I had been in a season where I didn’t talk to God like I used to. I wasn’t leaning into him, I wasn’t praying big prayers, and honestly I felt miserable and unfulfilled.
God used this baby to breathe life back into my dry bones. God awakened something in me through this short 2 1/2 month pregnancy. I’m not saying that God allowed me to miscarry just to teach me something.
What I am saying is, God can and absolutely will take every hurt, every disappointment, every pain and bring it all together for the good of those who love him.
As I continue the process of healing through this miscarriage, I will continue the process of surrendering, praying and living in community as I walk through my pain. And maybe, just maybe, this post has encouraged you to do the same.
So momma friend who is going through a miscarriage or who is still trying to heal from the pain of one, can I tell you that I’m in your corner? More importantly God is in your corner. Let him carry you through the pain.
Forever thinking of you,
I’ve written several other posts on the topic of pain. If you are still very much in the thick of your pain I encourage you to check them out.
I’ve also written a 3 Week Devotional On Overcoming Pain. You can grab that here.